I started this website in March 2020 with the promise of an upcoming blog. My opening line is about how I love writing because it feels like a wild roller coaster. Little did I know, along with all of you, I was just about to strap into one of the scariest rides of my life. So, I’d like to invite you all to talk about the roller coaster. I’ll continue to write this blog and we can discuss the ups and downs, the thrills and fears and laughter, the joys and tears of it all. There are a lot of roller coasters out there and we will have much to talk about. If you don’t like roller coasters, pick another metaphor. An adventure hike, a maze, cooking, sculpting, river rafting; it can be whatever feels right to you.
The first roller coaster I would like to talk about is called COVID-19. This monstrous coaster expands the entire globe. Unlike many other coasters, this one does not simply scare and thrill. It takes lives, in every sense of the word.
COVID-19 has literally killed, but it has taken over our lives in so many other ways; our jobs, our families, our friends and sometimes even our sense of self. “What do you mean I’m not essential?”
I absolutely refuse to accept that “we’re all in the same boat; we’ll get through this together” platitudes. Some of our lives have barely changed, which in and of itself might be painful in some ways to realize your life was already a virtual quarantine. Others have permanently lost livelihoods. Some have lost loved ones and not been able to give them—or go to!—a funeral. There are those who had to sit in isolation with the knowledge that the person they love was dying alone in a cold hospital or nursing home, and they would never properly get to say their goodbyes. Some of us simply missed out on the vacation to Disney World but may feel guilty with how sad they feel over losing this much anticipated trip when others lost so much more. Then there are those who are enjoying the much-needed time to rest and spend more time with their children.
How has my experience been on this dreaded coaster? Not horrific, but not a walk in the park either. Although there have been many walks in the park since this started. I am an urgent care physician and was very much anticipating a barrage of patients with the disease, but to my surprise the patient volume went down significantly. People were terrified to enter a medical facility and seek any medical care. Even though we are an urgent care, many felt their knee pain or rash, etc. could simply wait. The patients we did see of course usually very much needed to be seen urgently, and it is always very satisfying to give medical care to those in immediate need of it. Yet, our medical group, which has many other specialties in addition to our urgent care, had a remarkable decrease in patient visits. Allergists, non-emergent surgeries, mammograms and so many other visits were cancelled. All physician salaries were cut to survive. It was that or layoffs and furloughs. Then we in the urgent care started working out of a tent half of the day, seeing patients with possible COVID symptoms. We have been out in whatever weather there is in our full PPE; N95 mask, facial shield, gown and gloves; listening to heart and lungs and caring for patients as they remain in their cars.
On the home front, two of my grown daughters from college came home for months to shelter in place. It was wonderful to have them home, though I felt for their frustration and fears of what the future would hold for them as they dealt with online college courses. My fifteen-year-old son has had similar experiences with his high school classes. We have had family Pictionary games, bike rides and meals together that would never have happened were it not for COVID-19. For this I am thankful. I am saddened that I haven’t seen my twenty-nine-year-old child or my sister since this started. I have not been able to embrace my mother, grandmother or in-laws.
Our feelings on this coaster have widely varied but we have all had feelings with this historic global event. We are all human and we are social creatures. The mental health of so many individuals has suffered greatly with the isolation, grief and traumatic life changes associated with this pandemic. We need to social distance to physically survive but we need to become socially closer to mentally survive. So please, let’s talk about the roller coaster.
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