Make up and fashion just aren’t my thing. Maybe I’ll put on some lipstick for a special occasion, and my family has made it clear that that my everyday wardrobe ranges from frumpy to casual-comfortable. After arguing that my colorful sweatpants are to be worn in everyday public, my husband lovingly says with a smile and a kiss that they’re pajamas and he is glad I am low maintenance. But am I?
Let’s unpack this.
Low maintenance means not needing much upkeep. I kind of think my husband is saying I am not “expensive” by demanding high quality things that cost a lot of money. Okay, so that I might agree with. But there is more to maintenance than just money. Just for kicks, I put together my very own list of the maintenance needs of most spouses; from tires to brakes to turn signals.
1. Money
I have to include this one, since this is the #1 thing that most people think of when referring to high maintenance. For anyone to require money in a relationship brings about thoughts of gold diggers and sugar daddies and sugar mammas. But the truth of the matter is everyone needs money to survive. You need to purchase food and shelter and clothing and medical care at the very least. Some significant others can provide their own or even contribute to the others’ needs. So, even if that person appears to be high maintenance in terms of ostentatious luxury, are they really high maintenance if they provide it for themselves? In conclusion: when you see someone as high maintenance, it is not how much they spend as opposed to how much, if any, money you are expected to contribute to maintain them.
2. Time
You need to be spending some time together for any relationship to be called a relationship; even if the time is spent via technology instead of face-to-face. Most people don’t even know themselves how much time they need for a relationship, but they know once they are not getting enough of it, or when they are getting too much. People generally also need a certain amount of alone time. So without a manual, I guess a couple just needs to muddle through their timeline and figure out the window of time needed to maintain a significant other (SO).
3. Compliments
This may seem petty to some, but I believe people need to hear that they are liked and what is liked and valued about them; what makes them special to their spouse.
4. Baggage Capacity
Are you able and willing to handle the excess baggage of your SO? Every single one of us comes with some baggage—emotional baggage, medical baggage, familial baggage, economic baggage, etc., etc., etc.. The ability to help carry that weight is a lot of the maintenance of your loved one. Luckily, the greater the love, the lighter it feels.
5. Security Blankets
I could also call these “quirks”. For whatever reason, people have preferences. Sometimes those preferences feel like necessities. Thus, they are security blankets. We may feel comforted by an old sweatshirt, blasting Saturday morning oldies, humming jingles from commercials, eating corn circularly or horizontally, or vertically for that matter! Giving or at least allowing these security blankets might feel like high or low maintenance, depending on your tolerance level and quirk matching.
6. Patience
Some spouses require more patience than others. There is the stereotype of the spouse that takes too long to get ready for anything. And when making decisions, patience is definitely needed for the significant other who seems to take forever to order from a menu. And just try planning a vacation with them…
7. Cleanliness
Some people demand an immaculate home and others are way laxer. So roll up your sleeves and be prepared to do those dishes immediately and keep the tabletops dust free with a spouse who is high maintenance for a clean environment.
8. Social Engagement
Some people need to be very socially active and some just want to stay home. If you have a socially high maintenance spouse, you will need to go to frequent dinner parties and on double dates, along with finding ways to constantly meet new people.
9. Activities
At the very minimum, a couple needs to communicate somehow as an activity together. For some people, that is all they really need. On the other end of the spectrum is the high maintenance activity spouse who may keep you very physically busy with doing literal marathons together or daily bicycle rides or even low physical intensity activities like video gaming and playing cards.
And there you have it: my very unscientific and uber subjective list of SO care and maintenance.
If you like, assess how high or low maintenance you are and your spouse is, but you don’t really need to.
What I do think you need to do is love and appreciate your significant other, at whichever level of maintenance they are, because we’re all building up mileage!