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Writer's pictureAlisa

An Homage to Toilet Paper


Is there any better symbol or metaphor for this time in our lives than toilet paper? What do we think of when we see toilet paper? Poop. And here we are, in a world of poop. We’ve been dealing with an overwhelming amount of messiness.


We will clean it up, though. I have faith. It will take time, but we will clean this up.


Toilet paper has also put on display the greed and fear of mankind. In a demonstration of the tragedy of the commons, we have witnessed a furious scramble to obtain and hoard toilet paper. There were many things found to be scarce once the lockdown went into effect, but for some reason toilet paper was topping the list. As people saw empty shelves where there was once toilet paper, terror sunk in.


There’s no toilet paper! What will I do without toilet paper?

The very thought of scrambling for any worthless substitute in the home seems barbaric and horrific. So, out we go, feverously searching and vying for toilet paper. And Eureka! We find it. So, what do we do? We can never go through this again! We need to buy as much toilet paper as possible, and the vicious cycle expands.


Yes, toilet paper is the perfect item to encapsulate human nature.


Toilet paper is also an indicator of our social progress and how such progress has made us vulnerable. Depending on your age and social status, you may remember the old stand by for toilet paper. Anyone? Anyone? So, when the toilet paper ran out earlier than anticipated and we just couldn’t get to the store in time, there was the good old telephone book. A thick book with lots of tear away paper readily available.


But we now live in an almost veritable paperless world. There is not a phone book or newspaper to be found. Just as our cell phones have made us forget all of our phone numbers we used to know by heart, and our hand dandy computers at work have made it impossible to function a business if they break down, we have no back up when the toilet paper runs out. That which has given us convenience has made us more dependent on those conveniences.

Suddenly we contemplate the leaves that won't clog on flushing... too risky, way too risky...


What other great revelations have we found through the wonder of toilet paper? Well, I have found that I naturally hoard. I wouldn’t call myself an actual "hoarder"; I mean I throw lots of stuff away and it is not difficult to walk through my house. No abundance of useless trinkets spewed across the place. But when lockdown went into effect? my husband and I tried to figure out what we needed to dash out and buy to keep the family at home for a while.


Surprisingly the answer was nothing at all. There were things we could certainly get because we wanted; but to survive? Our stocked pantry held canned foods and dry goods like pasta, rice and beans. The freezer had two turkeys and tamales and lumpia and various other frozen foods. We had at least a month’s worth of toilet paper just sitting in the garage. We never seem to let ourselves get too low on these things. We’re not survivalists or anything and I don’t think we live in constant fear of natural disasters. Yet we must at least subconsciously be constantly concerned about running out of things or we could not have been so prepared.


Toilet paper showed us that we are not day by day, fly by the seat of our pants people or worry warts.


Our fear of running out of toilet paper even brought cross cultural discoveries. Americans have been buying bidets and investigating how much of the rest of the world copes with much less use of toilet paper. Of course, you could simply use less toilet paper when you do your business. Americans are notoriously wasteful and know that cutting back is always an option. Yet many cultures use a bidet or other water containing device, all of which are designed to pour water over your backside.

The Philippines has the tabo:


Indonesia the gayung:

Japan the hishaku:

India uses a lota:


 

In a panic for toilet paper alternatives, the internet has provided a strange but very practical cultural exchange.


I would never have thought a simple item like toilet paper could have so much meaning or provide such insight and epiphany. Isn’t that always the way? What we take for granted is truly a reflection of our personalities and priorities.


Here’s to you, Oh, mighty TP! May you continue to show us the greatest of human flaws and revelations.

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